Heavy Heart

I sit down today to write this because I don't feel like I'm am living the life that I desire so strongly. I am living a life of my making, but why do I have a hard time making what I want it to be? I can tell my husband and boys are suffering, and I am spiraling into a somber, unsatisfied person. Today is a day where I want to change it all. I want my life filled with simple joys, not days filled with me trying to find satisfaction on the computer and completely ignoring my family. I want to spend my day's teaching my children all about life and enjoying them and the pure love that they show me. I want to look at my husband and smile, and feel such a close bond to him that my soul almost aches. I am a planner to a fault, and when I say fault I mean I plan so much that it is impossible to follow, and then I fail. I need simple goals, ones that can take me a step at a time. Today, my only goal is to kneel and pray daily. If I accomplish more, than I will be happy, but for now, I will start there. I know the only way to becoming who I want to be is to take it to my Savior. He is the only one who can truly lift my burdens. He is the only one that understands the true intimate feelings of my heart. Hopefully I can climb out of this pit of dispare I have dug for myself, and that as I document it I will be able to see the progress I am making, and also uncover those things that lead me down the wrong path so that I can correct it. At least I realize I can still be saved.

Something good about me: I am willing to do anything to help someone else